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Last night I had a dream. For the most part, it wasn't really a dream; it was a nightmare. That was until I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I woke up in a cold sweat at 2:29AM and began drawing. It's now 5:55AM and I'm writing this. After what I've seen, I'm not sure I'll ever get back to sleep. Let me tell you about my dream...
I was shopping in Superdrug for some new razors when from out of nowhere I saw a man stagger from behind the tampons and bite an elderly woman on the neck. Why she was stood by the tampons at her age, I'll never know. However, that doesn't excuse his actions and I went to investigate. As I began walking towards him I saw a horde of no less than a dozen people lumbering toward me. Now I'm no fool, I've seen Dawn of the Dead, I've seen 28 Days Later and I've seen Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' enough times to realise that I was encountering the living dead. Before they got any closer I had hurdled the Colgate and burst through the fire exit in true Bruce Willis fashion.
I ran as fast as I could home, dodging group after group of zombies. How I didn't see them when entering Superdrug I'm not sure, but the fact is that they were after my big, juicy brain. To cut a long story short, I managed to get home after strangling anything that moved. Regrettably I managed to throttle a small child in the process after mistaking him for a zombie. Looking back I think he was just having a fit.
After opening my front door I was greeted by my housemate, Graham. However, it wasn't the Graham that I've grown to respect and love (in a strictly platonic way, obviously), he was infected, he was one ofthem. I had no choice but to decapitate him with his own pizza cutter. I felt bad doing it, but it really was my only chance of survival. I dashed up to my room and locked the door behind me. I was safe.
This is when I met her. I turned to see a figure in my room. Thinking it was time to slay another zombie, I picked up the heaviest item in reach: a weighty copy of The Bible I was given by some bloke with a megaphone in Oxford Street. I crept towards her, grasping the Old Testament in my hand. I lifted it up above my head with the intention of striking her but as I did so she turned to face me. I froze. In front of me was the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen, ever. I couldn't believe what I was seeing (and still can't, to be honest) as I stood there motionless looking her up and down. She was incredible. She was gorgeous. She was absolutely, genuinely perfect. She smiled at me and said: "Hello, I'm so glad you're here," and then kissed me.
And then, all of a sudden, I woke up. Distraught, I reached down the side of my bed to find a pad of lined paper and began sketching the most accurate picture I could possibly draw. This is it:
I'm no artist. I think you can tell that and I'd like to point out that this picture doesn't even convey 1% of her beauty. The girl in my dream was perfect, this picture, however, is not. Therefore, I must let you know that:
~She didn't have a weird little pointy nose.
~She didn't have lips like a fish.
~She didn't have a lumberjack's chin.
~She didn't have beady little eyes.
~Her hair was actually more likeKate Nash's.
Other than that, the drawing is pretty accurate.
This is where you come in; If you look like the person above, please, please, email me. I beg you, I'm absolutely besotted with this girl and if it might be you, then I'd love to hear from you. If it looks like someone you know, please, please, send them this website. The URL is www.TheGirlOfMyDreams.co.uk. If you don't know anyone that looks like the person above but you believe in love and still want to assist me in finding the girl of my dreams then click the 'how to help me' link.
Thank you ever so much for reading,
Adam Pacitti x
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